She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
