she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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