I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
