can u get pink eye on your cock?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
