One girl and one boy is just not enough.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
