I wannas sexs uuuuu
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
