ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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