Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
