guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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