does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
