Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
