are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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