Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
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By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
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People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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