it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
