The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
