I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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