Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
