that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
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I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
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His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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