Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
