we have pet lesbian snakes
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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