Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Randomize
