You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Randomize
