i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I am one with the molecules
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
