Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
