I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
