Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
