if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
