he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
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high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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