This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
