And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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