Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
