Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Randomize
