Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
