he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
