I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
