he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
God I need to hump something, right now.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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