Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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