I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
