been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
