oh god the rape fog is back!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
