man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
