Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
