i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
