i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
