I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
