god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
