I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
