I want to stick my p in your. b.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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