Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
