so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I need to stop coming to work sober
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Randomize
