This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
