I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I want to fling myself into the sun
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