everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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