Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
