It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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