Jerry, you need to find god
I think I won the penis lottery.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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