20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
