wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Farmville is her only friend.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Randomize
