A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
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