the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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