I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
