Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
