I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize