just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
