I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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