Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
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