Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
