when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
