when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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