She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
